Mothering from day to day

Where is God leading me?

2011-11-06T09:14:00.000-08:00

I want to be aware of where God is leading me. I don't want to just barge ahead with my own plans like I usually do and ask God to bless it. I know God plants dreams in our hearts. How do we know which ones to pursue? I really want to work for myself so I can create my own schedule and therefore take better care of myself.

I am trying to build my tutoring business, but so far I have had no leads. It's only been about a month since I started advertising. I thought something would of turned up by now. I wonder if this roadblock means I'm not suppose to continue or am I to persevere? I have tutored before and had many clients during the summer. When school started they discontinued. I want to help contribute to our family's expenses but am limited to what I can do.

I also have a blog I've been dabbling at for awhile. About five months ago I decided to step things up a bit and see if I could make some money doing this. It can be found at www.fruitfulhome.blogspot.com. It's about saving money and ways to make money from home. I am passionate about it and get excited when working on it. The only thing is I'm not that great with technology. I will keep praying and see where God leads me. How have you discerned what God wants you to do with your life, especially involving limitations?

Thoughts On Writing

2011-10-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

I want to be a writer; but do I want to do the nitty, gritty, every day, up and down task of writing? Do I have what it takes to be a writer? Do I want to be a writer without all the hard work? I don't know. It's something I must explore. I know I will not rest until I know for sure. As far back as I can remember I've dabbled in writing. I've always kept a journal, starting in the fourth grade. Just getting my toes wet enough to give me a taste. Maybe I thought if I never pursued it whole heartedly, I never would have to find out that maybe I don't have what it takes.

I've come to a point where I have to pursue this. No matter the outcome. I need to know. And so I write. Maybe I'll write for myself or maybe, just maybe I'll write for others and let them into my world for a time.

New things to adjust to

2011-09-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

Well I guess it's been a while since I've posted. A few new things have started since I was last here. My kids have started school and I started a new job two weeks ago. It was a very hard decision for me. I really wanted to work on my tutoring business so I could work at home. I may still do this part time. I applied at a day care and preschool for a part time position. I was suppose to be working with the two year olds as an aid. At the last minute the owner asked me if I was interested in the preschool teacher position. I love working with that age group and that's the position I had at my former job.

The reason it was a hard decision was that I would need to be there earlier in the morning and I was thinking that I would have to take work home, being the head teacher. She said I would rarely have to take things home. So I decided to be honest with her about my illness and my reservations. Something I don't usually do. I figured what have I got to lose? I knew I still had my tutoring job. I told her I would try it. I do like the job, but I have been so wiped out lately.

My kids have to leave for the bus by 6:35. (I personally think that is way too early.) I have been coming home from work and just crashing until an hour later when the kids come home. At least I have that hour. I am hoping that my body will become a little more use to it.

How do you handle juggling a job, kids and a house when you have limitations?

2011-08-26T06:04:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with you about a webcast coming out. On September 6th at 8:00 Est time there will be a webcast called "Say Yes to God". It will be with author Lysa Terkeurst and Ann Voskamp. Ann Voskamp is the author of One Thousand Gifts. I've only read snippets of the book. I'm on a waiting list at the library. It looks like a really good, though provoking book. Sign up at www.lysaterkeurst.com.

Ever Feel Discouraged?

2011-08-24T05:26:00.000-07:00

My doctor put me on a gluten free diet a month ago hoping it would ease some of my fibromyalgia symptoms. So far not only have I not felt better, I feel worse! She wants me to stay on it for another two months. She did say it could make me feel worse at first. I'm thinking though that after a month I should at least not be feeling worse. Most of the people I've read about or talked to didn't have this problem when going on a gluten free diet.

I'm trying to have a positive attitude, but it's hard to stay away from your favorite foods when you are not seeing results. I'm thinking maybe there is gluten in my meds that I'm not aware of. I'm not sure. I'm going to hang in there and pray for God to help me get through another two months. Is anyone else on a gluten free diet and not seen results quickly? I'd love to hear from you.

JOY IN THE SMALL THINGS

2011-08-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

I got the chance to volunteer at a nursing home yesterday with my kids. Something I hadn't done since I was a teenager myself. My small group at church has been putting together service projects that we can do with our children. I think it's a great idea. It's always bothered me that I am not always able to volunteer in the ways I would like.

We helped them play bingo. Something so simple, but turned into something so meaningful. I was so moved by the way my kids helped out. They were not thrilled about going, but I gave them no choice. They do not have any experience being around the elderly. I knew they were a little nervous. I told them just to smile, talk in a loud voice and look into their eyes. A lady asked my son to wheel her back to her room. It made me so happy to see them in this new environment. It also gave me a chance not to think of my aches and pains as much. I hope we get to do it again.

Changes Are Coming

2011-08-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

I can't believe another year of school is right around the corner. My kids start September 7th. The summer always speeds by way to fast. I think it's because I never want it to end. There are no homework deadlines, no early morning wake up calls, no tight schedules. My daughter will be going into tenth grade. Where does the time go? My son will be entering seventh grade and will be in a new building. He is feeling uneasy about the whole thing.

I am in the process of looking for a new part time job. I'm feeling uneasy about that. Will I find the right thing? Will the hours work for me? Will I have enough stamina? I am looking for a preschool job. That is what I'm good at. I'm also trying to grow my tutoring business. What I'd like to do eventually is only do the tutoring and be able to make my own schedule. That would be wonderful. I'm also getting back to blogging. I have another blog that can be found at www.fruitfulhome.blogspot.com. It is about making money from home and saving money. I don't know where it will take me. I don't always like living with the unknown. There are so many of them. Actually our whole life is an unknown to some degree. Only God know where certain things will take us. we just have to trust Him and go along for the ride! What are some changes you see coming up for the new school year?

Dealing With Frustrations in the Midst of Blessings

2011-08-11T13:59:00.000-07:00

I just spent the past week at my mom's house in Michigan. The kids came with me. I had been wanting to do that for a long time, but always had to wait until my husband was able to come with us. It is hard for me to drive that long. It bothered me that my mom usually had to make the drive to our house in order to visit with us. Megabus has been a real blessing. It gives me a little bit of freedom. I do not like having to rely on other people.

We had a wonderful time there. My mother was so thrilled that we were able to come. We took the kids swimming at a local recreation center. It was an incredible pool, with a huge water slide, three whirl pools and rafts that you could float on. It was fun for the kids, and relaxing for me. We also went to the art museum, huge outlet mall, and the Henry Ford Museum.

I wasn't feeling that great the week I was there. I did make sure to pace myself and rest when we got home. I'm not sure why I'm feeling worse than normal. I've been feeling light headed and overly tired than usual. My doctor did say there was a chance the gluten free diet I'm on may make me feel worse at first. I'm not convinced yet that that is the problem. There are so many things I want to do, but just can't always keep up. I wonder if there will ever come a time when that does not frustrate me. How do you deal with frustrations from chronic illness?

2011-08-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

I'm getting to ready to visit my mom in Michigan. My two kids and I are actually riding the Megabus. You can get tickets as low as $1 a person depending on how far in advance you book your trip. I decided to take the bus because it's hard for me to drive long distances. It's also a lot less money.

I was a little concerned about the trip because I was just recently diagnosed with Factor V Leiden. It just means I'm more susceptible to blog clots. I knew I wouldn't be able to get up and walk around. I'll be on the bus for almost six hours. The doctor said I have to give myself an injection of a low dose of blood thinner on the day I leave and the day I get back. At least I won't be worried about sitting for so long now. I'm hoping I feel better when I get to my mom's. I've been in a lot more pain this week and feeling real tired. I did get to go to my chiropractor yesterday and had a massage. I always feel better after a massage. I just wish it would last longer than a day. I know I am one of the lucky ones that can afford a massage. My husband actually got me a year's membership for Christmas. What are some of the ways you make yourself feel temporarily better when dealing with your chronic illness?

Got Gluten?

2011-07-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Right before I went on vacation my chiropractor suggested I go on a gluten free diet. I decided to live it up on my vacation eating all the things I knew would soon be forbidden. Bread is my all time favorite food, more than chocolate! She thinks this may help my fibromyalgia. Friday is the big day. I've decided to start that day.

I'm trying to have a positive attitude. I've tried so many different things that haven't amounted to much. I need to do this though to see what happens. She wants me to do it for at least two months. The worst that can happen is a lose a few pounds. I can handle that!

My step-sister went on a gluten free diet for severe migraines. Nothing was helping. She was even at the Cleveland Clinic overnight. She found out on the Internet that a gluten free diet might help. She's been headache free ever since! She was one of the lucky ones to have a found a cure so soon.

So off to the grocery store I go, armed with my list of acceptable foods. I'm glad that most grocery stores now have a gluten free aisle. Has anyone tried a gluten free diet for their illness? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

Coming Home

2011-07-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

We got back from Ocean City, New Jersey on Saturday. It was warm weather with a breeze for the most part. No rain. Yeah!! I always feel so relaxed when I'm there. It's hard not to feel relaxed when your goal for the day is to sit at the beach and read and then go out to dinner. Is there any way you can bring that feeling home with you?

I ate so much though. The people we were staying with would bring home chocolate goodies from the candy store. I am on a weight loss program which I kind of chucked out the window for the week. I was bad. Now it's back to taking good care of myself. My chiropractor wants me to go on a gluten free diet. More about that in my next post. I hope everyone has a chance to get away, even if it's for a little while.

Will be back soon!

2011-07-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

Am on vacation. Will be back soon with lots of things to share. I hope everyone is enjoying their vacation!

Got Sleep?

2011-07-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

We tend to take sleep for granted when we are getting enough. It's when we don't get enough that we remember just how vital it is. It replenishes our muscles, helps our nervous system to work properly, is necessary for our physical performance and memory.

The other night our air conditioner wasn't working. It was registering 85 degrees in our house. Needless to say I had trouble sleeping that night. My body is very sensitive to lack of sleep. Even more so since I developed chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I can miss just a half hour of sleep and it usually effects me for the next few days. I feel weak, sore from head to toe and have severe exhaustion. If someone invented a pill for instant sleep I would be willing to pay big bucks for it!!

I try not to complain to my family, but it's hard not to mention it when I have a hard time doing even normal daily activities. We are also getting ready to leave for a week at the beach. I have things to do! It's time like these that I take my to do list and weed it down to only immediate, important things. Now that my children are twelve and fifteen I can enlist their help more. My daughter did some laundry for me, washed dishes, and helped me clean the kitchen. My son swept and folded laundry and is helping me pack.

I used to feel bad when asking them to help out, but then I remembered that they are a part of this family too. There's nothing wrong with asking them to help out with preparing for our family vacation. I hope and pray once I get to the beach and breathe in that ocean air, my body will relax and heal. How do you handle getting ready for vacation when your physically limited?

Songs that speak to me

2011-07-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with you some songs that speak to me when I'm having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. I bought Sanctus Real's new cd. It has many great songs on it. I especially like "The Redeemer". You may have heard it on the radio. Some of the words are:

"Sometimes I just want to start over because everything looks like a wreck and I need the courage to carry on because I can't see what's ahead." The rest of the lyrics can be found on many sites, you just need to google the name and artist. I can really relate to those words. When I'm in the middle of a flare I feel like everything is falling apart. It's hard for me to get a new perspective. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen in the near future. It's hard for me to trust God with my days. I am still learning to let go and not feel the need to know everything.

Another new cd I love is "What if we were real" by Mandisa. My favorite songs are Stronger and Lifeline. They remind me that even though I may not like the place where I am, God can use it for His good to make me stronger. Lifeline reminds me to rely on Him. Check out the lyrics and let me know if they speak to you as well.

It's Been Too Long!

2011-06-29T05:17:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted. I was working as a preschool teacher for the past three years, so I decided to put my blog on hold for awhile. I am now exploring the idea of working from home. I've been selling things on ebay and am also working on building my tutoring business. I would like to be able to have a flexible schedule to accommodate my health and kids.

I have been struggling with my health for the past two weeks. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. They can rear their ugly heads at times. Sometimes I'm able to point to a specific activity or event that led to a flare, other times I don't know what caused it. Even when I know what may of caused it, I don't understand why it takes so long for me to get back on my feet sometimes. I went to an amusement park on Friday the 24th with my kids and husband. I had already been dealing with increased pain. I was undecided on to whether to go or not. I always have a hard time making decisions like that. I want to go to be with my family, but am not sure how much I'm going to pay for it afterwards. My son really wanted me to go. I knew if I stayed home I would feel depressed about not being with them. I ended up going and five days later am still effected by my choice. Should I of made a different choice? That's the thing about chronic illness. You don't always know what the best decision is. You just have to decide and hope it was the right one.

I hope everyone's summer is going well. Let me know some of the issues you deal with because of your illness. I am here to support you!!

A Roller Coaster of Emotions

2009-07-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

Lately I seem to be full of all kinds of emotions. I haven't been feeling well, and I'm sure that is a big part of these full range of thoughts and feelings. When I'm in a flare I tend to feel helpless, lonely, and depressed. One would think that after spending sixteen years with a chronic illness I would not have these feelings anymore. But they are there. Thoughts creep in like: Who will take care of me if I can't even take care of myself? Who will help me with my children? Will my husband run out of patience or be cold and distant? I know I need to bring ever thought captive to Christ. How do you do that when you feel like your brain is mush?

I was in the car with my husband and children the other day. I just needed to get out of the house. I was looking and absorbing the beautiful scenery. I cracked open the window and let the breeze sweep over me. I starting talking to God. It went something like this: "God I feel like I'm in a deep, dark place right now. I can't even muster up enough energy or clear thinking to pray. Please take me as I am. Infuse me with your joy and peace. Right now I don't have any. Hold me and transform me through my circumstances."

Do any of you feel like you are in a deep, dark place? My prayer for you is to grab onto Jesus and let him carry you through. Don't worry about not being able to pray. Let Him be your strength. Let him be your comfort. Remember he accepts you just as you are!!

Feeling Discouraged

2009-07-02T08:37:00.001-07:00

I have not been feeling very well the past week or two. I've just felt completely drained and weak. It takes extra effort for me not to be irritable and cranky, especially with those closest to me. My head feels like it's stuffed with marshmallows. That's how I describe "brain fog". I just don't seem to be getting that deep sleep that we all so desperately need. It probably isn't helping that my son has been having trouble sleeping.

My doctor thought I may have ADHD. I have always thought that I may have this problem. I can remember having issues with concentrating and organization as a child also. There
have been a few articles that I have come across linking fibromyalgia and ADHD. My doctor thought it was worth a try to try me on Ritalin to see if it would help my energy and concentration. I was so hoping it would. It didn't seem to do anything. But I'm wondering if your not getting good sleep, would any medicine help? Every time I hear about a drug possibly helping, I try it and it doesn't seem to help. It's hard for me to fight thoughts that maybe it is all in my head!

My husband and the kids just took off for the plant nursery and lunch. I wanted so much to go. I did not want to be home alone. It's so hard for me to give in and just accept that I need to rest and may not be able to do much. I want to be productive but my brain just won't cooperate! I start to get down on myself for complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I know so many others have it much worse. God, please help me to be thankful for the many things I do have. Please help me to see beyond my circumstances. Give me your strength. Amen.

Summer Days

2009-06-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

How has everyone's summer been going so far? Well I hope. Does the heat and humidity bother anyone else. I just feel like I'm dragging when I'm out in the heat. We were out of town this past weekend for my nephew's graduation party. I slept on a very hard mattress. My neck, back and shoulders are extremely tight. I also haven't been sleeping well. I'm not sure why. I treated myself to a massage with some birthday money I received. It's so expensive, but it always makes me feel a little bit better. My insurance will only pay for massage if it's an acute condition. I have been in a flare for about five days. When I'm in the middle of one I feel like it will never end. I have to make it a point to remind my self that "this too shall pass" I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and rearrange my priorities and to do list. All of a sudden certain things don't seem as important.

My son started basketball camp this week, so that has helped keep him occupied and allowed me to rest a little. My daughter is now a teenager as of this month. I can't believe it. She is pretty self reliable. I wish I could do more for them. I'm sure all mothers feel this way at times. I have to remind myself as long as I give them what I'm able ,while taking care of their mother at the same time, will be enough. God will make up for the rest.

Have You ever felt just Plain Agitated By Life In General?

2009-06-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my kids last day of school. My last day at work (I'm a preschool teacher) was two weeks ago. I was looking forward to lazy, warm days with no agenda and no troubles. Who am I kidding? Why would I think life would be perfect just because it's warm outside and I'm not working?

I have a few things I'm trying to take care of and they are not working out as smoothly as I planned. Nothing earth shattering. Just day to day living. My son fell and hurt himself last week playing basketball at school. He was diagnosed with a mild concussion. He started vomiting later on that night so I took him to the ER. They did a cat scan. Everything looked o.k concussion wise, but they found something they weren't expecting to find. It's called an arachnoid cyst. Most likely he was born with it. He has never had any symptoms. If he continues to have no symptoms nothing will be done. If he does develop symptoms they'll have to drain it. He has to have an MRI done and an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I am about ready to pull my hair out just trying to schedule the MRI. He has to have sedation because I can't see him sitting perfectly still for forty- five minutes. It's hard to get one of these appointments and the test is conflicting with summer camp. I am trying to reschedule without having to wait too long. I'm sure part of my aggravation is nerves. I don't want to admit that. I'm hoping and praying he will never have symptoms. I am reminding myself that this is not terminal. God is in charge, not me. He will take me where I need to go.

Easter blessings

2009-04-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

I went back home for Easter and visited my dad, sister, and stepmother. My dad is getting ready to retire and move into a much smaller home. They are trying to downsize as much as they can. They had a basement full of stuff that did not sell at the garage sale. I had great fun looking through the things they collected through the years. I even found some treasures to call my own. I think it's great fun turning someone else's cast offs into something new and useful or beautiful. My husband was quite thrilled that I came home with a van full of "new" stuff! My dad also gave me some old photos to go through and keep. Some of them were of me and my sister as children, my grandma as a little girl, my great grandparents, etc. I enjoyed sharing our heritage with my kids. Our last morning there my dad made them a breakfast called "Fit For A King" The kids had fun trying to guess what it was. My dad said his mom use to make it for him. it was a cinnamon dish constructed like a log cabin.

My ten year old son got to spend lots of quality one on one time with his grandpa playing basketball, throwing the football around, and reading stories that he had written. My daughter spent time with him too and also took great delight in playing with their cat. She said that she liked the fact that he had "attitude"! I had a surprise when I got home. My husband had stayed home for part of the weekend and painted the living room. I had picked out the paint awhile ago but we never got around to painting. It's a beautiful golden color. I love it! I'm so glad i got to relax with my family. It was just what I needed!

RELAXING ON THE BEACH!

2008-09-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's been way to long since I posted last. There's been many things going on. My family and I got home from vacation on August 30th. We were able to take a late vacation because the kids didn't have to start school until September 3rd. The only thing I didn't like about vacationing late was that as soon as we came home we had to get ready for school. There was know time to settle into being home again. I am not complaining though. We had a lovely vacation.

We went to Holland Michigan for the first time. My husband had been there before on business and said it was very pretty on Lake Michigan. There were sand dunes and lots of waves and a lighthouse. It was almost like being on the ocean. It was sooooo relaxing. Basically our biggest decisions were whether to eat potato chips or pretzels with lunch. Should we leave for the beach

at 9 or 10. Such decisions! I read for hours with my feet in the sand. The water was too cold to swim but the kids managed to brave the icy water. We rented an apartment above someone's beach house. Our room was surrounded by windows overlooking the lake. The kids shared the other bedroom. The apartment was smaller than expected but I actually liked it that way. We had no choice but to interact with our family. It was so nice. I'm trying to figure out how to bring back a little bit of the beach to our home. Now it's back to reality!!

The Simple Things

2008-07-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's a good idea to remember the simple things in life. Those little things that are so important to us , but we tend to forget. Especially when we have a limited amount of energy to spend on activities. Sometimes just a smile from a stranger or a dandelion given to us by our child can mean the world to us. Here are some of the simple things that I am grateful for:

1. Scrapbooking

2. Hugs

3. Holding hands with a loved one

4. Listening to music that inspires us.

5. Writing in a journal

6. Writing on a blog

7. Eating a really good piece of cake

8. Praying with someone

9. Laughing with our children

10.Looking at the stars

What are some of the things you like to do? Please let me know.

I Am Enough For God

2008-06-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

I came across this song last week for the first time. I am familiar with the David Crowder band and have some of their cd's, but had never heard of this song. I was pretty much in bed for most of the week. My kids are in school still because of a strike. I was actually grateful for that this week. I was feeling like I didn't have much to offer this week, to God or anyone else.
These words reminded me that God will take whatever we have available at the moment. He knows that we are still giving our all, even when that "all" doesn't seem like much. He still enjoys us when we are in His presence. The song is on my playlist at the bottom of the blog. Just click on it. Remember: You are enough for God!

Artist: David Crowder
Lord I'm tired So tired from walking And Lord I'm so alone And Lord the dark Is creeping in Creeping up To swallow me I think I'll stop Rest here a while Chorus: And this is all that I can say right now And this is all that I can give And this is all that I can say right now And this is all that I can give, thats my everything And didn't You see me cry'n? And didn't You hear me call Your name? Wasn't it You I gave my heart to? I wish You'd remember Where you sat it down Chorus: And this is all that I can say right now, i know its not much. But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything. This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know its not much. But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything. Bridge: I didn't notice You were standing here I didn't know that That was You holding me I didn't notice You were cry'n too I didn't know that That was You washing my feet And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much. But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything. This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know its not much. But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything. And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much. But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything. yeah thats my everything [2x] everything........

Summer Activities

2008-06-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I have not been feeling well. I thought with school being out moms could use some tips on how to keep kids occupied with fun activities. I know this is hard when our energy is limited and we face physical limitations as well. I found some helpful tips on summer activities that can be found at http://www.fromonemomtoanother.com/. I hope you can use some of them.

Blessings,
Tanya