Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Lately I seem to be full of all kinds of emotions. I haven't been feeling well, and I'm sure that is a big part of these full range of thoughts and feelings. When I'm in a flare I tend to feel helpless, lonely, and depressed. One would think that after spending sixteen years with a chronic illness I would not have these feelings anymore. But they are there. Thoughts creep in like: Who will take care of me if I can't even take care of myself? Who will help me with my children? Will my husband run out of patience or be cold and distant? I know I need to bring ever thought captive to Christ. How do you do that when you feel like your brain is mush?

I was in the car with my husband and children the other day. I just needed to get out of the house. I was looking and absorbing the beautiful scenery. I cracked open the window and let the breeze sweep over me. I starting talking to God. It went something like this: "God I feel like I'm in a deep, dark place right now. I can't even muster up enough energy or clear thinking to pray. Please take me as I am. Infuse me with your joy and peace. Right now I don't have any. Hold me and transform me through my circumstances."

Do any of you feel like you are in a deep, dark place? My prayer for you is to grab onto Jesus and let him carry you through. Don't worry about not being able to pray. Let Him be your strength. Let him be your comfort. Remember he accepts you just as you are!!


Lynda said...

This really hit home with me. I have been struggling trying to pray and read the Bible. I can't seem to concentrate and all I want to do is fall asleep. Pain is bad too. Thank you for your thoughts!

Tanya said...

I will keep you in my prayers!

Jennifer said...

i struggle with this when i am flaring too. what helps me is reading the bible (i love the womens sanctuary devotional bible, which is new living translation) and listening to christian music.

there can be such a sense of isolation. i have a few friends who also deal with diseases, chronic pain or illness, and i try to remember to reach out to them for encouragement. they, in turn, know they can lean on me.

Tanya said...

I love listening to Christian music too. Sometimes when I'm too tired to think or do anything I just lay down with my ipod on and let the music wash over me. It's what gets me trhough the day. I'm going to have to try that devotional bible. I've always wanted to try that translation.